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Chapter 20 Impatience

Chapter 20 Impatience

 When I woke up I was confused. My thoughts were hazy, still twisted up indreams and nightmares; it took me longer than it should have to realizewhere I was.

  This room was too bland to belong anywhere but in a hotel. The bedsidelamps, bolted to the tables, were a dead giveaway, as were the longdrapes made from the same fabric as the bedspread, and the genericwatercolor prints on the walls.

  I tried to remember how I got here, but nothing came at first.

  I did remember the sleek black car, the glass in the windows darker thanthat on a limousine. The engine was almost silent, though we'd racedacross the black freeways at more than twice the legal speed.

  And I remembered Alice sitting with me on the dark leather backseat.

  Somehow, during the long night, my head had ended up against her graniteneck. My closeness didn't seem to bother her at all, and her cool, hardskin was oddly comforting to me. The front of her thin cotton shirt wascold, damp with the tears that streamed from my eyes until, red and sore,they ran dry.

  Sleep had evaded me; my aching eyes strained open even though the nightfinally ended and dawn broke over a low peak somewhere in California. Thegray light, streaking across the cloudless sky, stung my eyes. But Icouldn't close them; when I did, the images that flashed all too vividly,like still slides behind my lids, were unbearable. Charlie's brokenexpression — Edward's brutal snarl, teeth bared — Rosalie's resentfulglare — the keen-eyed scrutiny of the tracker — the dead look in Edward'seyes after he kissed me the last time… I couldn't stand to see them. So Ifought against my weariness and the sun rose higher.

  I was still awake when we came through a shallow mountain pass and thesun, behind us now, reflected off the tiled rooftops of the Valley of theSun. I didn't have enough emotion left to be surprised that we'd made athree-day journey in one. I stared blankly at the wide, flat expanse laidout in front of me. Phoenix — the palm trees, the scrubby creosote, thehaphazard lines of the intersecting freeways, the green swaths of golfcourses and turquoise splotches of swimming pools, all submerged in athin smog and embraced by the short, rocky ridges that weren't really bigenough to be called mountains.

  The shadows of the palm trees slanted across the freeway — defined,sharper than I remembered, paler than they should be. Nothing could hidein these shadows. The bright, open freeway seemed benign enough. But Ifelt no relief, no sense of homecoming.

  "Which way to the airport, Bella?" Jasper had asked, and I flinched,though his voice was quite soft and un-alarming. It was the first sound,besides the purr of the car, to break the long night's silence.

  "Stay on the I-ten," I'd answered automatically. "We'll pass right by it."My brain had worked slowly through the fog of sleep deprivation.

  "Are we flying somewhere?" I'd asked Alice.

  "No, but it's better to be close, just in case."I remembered beginning the loop around Sky Harbor International… but notending it. I suppose that must have been when I'd fallen asleep.

  Though, now that I'd chased the memories down, I did have a vagueimpression of leaving the car — the sun was just falling behind thehorizon — my arm draped over Alice's shoulder and her arm firm around mywaist, dragging me along as I stumbled through the warm, dry shadows.

  I had no memory of this room.

   I looked at the digital clock on the nightstand. The red numbers claimedit was three o'clock, but they gave no indication if it was night or day.

  No edge of light escaped the thick curtains, but the room was bright withthe light from the lamps.

  I rose stiffly and staggered to the window, pulling back the drapes.

  It was dark outside. Three in the morning, then. My room looked out on adeserted section of the freeway and the new long-term parking garage forthe airport. It was slightly comforting to be able to pinpoint time andplace.

  I looked down at myself. I was still wearing Esme's clothes, and theydidn't fit very well at all. I looked around the room, glad when Idiscovered my duffel bag on top of the low dresser.

  I was on my way to find new clothes when a light tap on the door made mejump.

  "Can I come in?" Alice asked.

  I took a deep breath. "Sure."She walked in, and looked me over cautiously. "You look like you couldsleep longer," she said.

  I just shook my head.

  She drifted silently to the curtains and closed them securely beforeturning back to me.

  "We'll need to stay inside," she told me.

  "Okay." My voice was hoarse; it cracked.

  "Thirsty?" she asked.

  I shrugged. "I'm okay. How about you?""Nothing unmanageable." She smiled. "I ordered some food for you, it's inthe front room. Edward reminded me that you have to eat a lot morefrequently than we do."I was instantly more alert. "He called?""No," she said, and watched as my face fell. "It was before we left."She took my hand carefully and led me through the door into the livingroom of the hotel suite. I could hear a low buzz of voices coming fromthe TV. Jasper sat motionlessly at the desk in the corner, his eyeswatching the news with no glimmer of interest.

  I sat on the floor next to the coffee table, where a tray of food waited,and began picking at it without noticing what I was eating.

  Alice perched on the arm of the sofa and stared blankly at the TV likeJasper.

  I ate slowly, watching her, turning now and then to glance quickly atJasper. It began to dawn on me that they were too still. They neverlooked away from the screen, though commercials were playing now. Ipushed the tray away, my stomach abruptly uneasy. Alice looked down at me.

  "What's wrong, Alice?" I asked.

  "Nothing's wrong." Her eyes were wide, honest… and I didn't trust them.

  "What do we do now?""We wait for Carlisle to call.""And should he have called by now?" I could see that I was near the mark.

   Alice's eyes flitted from mine to the phone on top of her leather bag andback.

  "What does that mean?" My voice quavered, and I fought to control it.

  "That he hasn't called yet?""It just means that they don't have anything to tell us."But her voice was too even, and the air was harder to breathe.

  Jasper was suddenly beside Alice, closer to me than usual.

  "Bella," he said in a suspiciously soothing voice. "You have nothing toworry about. You are completely safe here.""I know that.""Then why are you frightened?" he asked, confused. He might feel thetenor of my emotions, but he couldn't read the reasons behind them.

  "You heard what Laurent said." My voice was just a whisper, but I wassure they could hear me. "He said James was lethal. What if somethinggoes wrong, and they get separated? If something happens to any of them,Carlisle, Emmett… Edward…" I gulped. "If that wild female hurts Esme…" Myvoice had grown higher, a note of hysteria beginning to rise in it. "Howcould I live with myself when it's my fault? None of you should berisking yourselves for me —""Bella, Bella, stop," he interrupted me, his words pouring out so quicklythey were hard to understand. "You're worrying about all the wrongthings, Bella. Trust me on this — none of us are in jeopardy. You areunder too much strain as it is; don't add to it with wholly unnecessaryworries. Listen to me!" he ordered, for I had looked away. "Our family isstrong. Our only fear is losing you.""But why should you —"Alice interrupted this time, touching my cheek with her cold fingers.

  "It's been almost a century that Edward's been alone. Now he's found you.

  You can't see the changes that we see, we who have been with him for solong. Do you think any of us want to look into his eyes for the nexthundred years if he loses you?"My guilt slowly subsided as I looked into her dark eyes. But, even as thecalm spread over me, I knew I couldn't trust my feelings with Jasperthere.

  It was a very long day.

  We stayed in the room. Alice called down to the front desk and asked themto ignore our maid service for now. The windows stayed shut, the TV on,though no one watched it. At regular intervals, food was delivered forme. The silver phone resting on Alice's bag seemed to grow bigger as thehours passed.

  My babysitters handled the suspense better than I did. As I fidgeted andpaced, they simply grew more still, two statues whose eyes followed meimperceptibly as I moved. I occupied myself with memorizing the room; thestriped pattern of the couches, tan, peach, cream, dull gold, and tanagain. Sometimes I stared at the abstract prints, randomly findingpictures in the shapes, like I'd found pictures in the clouds as a child.

  I traced a blue hand, a woman combing her hair, a cat stretching. Butwhen the pale red circle became a staring eye, I looked away.

  As the afternoon wore on, I went back to bed, simply for something to do.

  I hoped that by myself in the dark, I could give in to the terrible fearsthat hovered on the edge of my consciousness, unable to break throughunder Jasper's careful supervision.

  But Alice followed me casually, as if by some coincidence she had growntired of the front room at the same time. I was beginning to wonderexactly what sort of instructions Edward had given her. I lay across the bed, and she sat, legs folded, next to me. I ignored her at first,suddenly tired enough to sleep. But after a few minutes, the panic thathad held off in Jasper's presence began to make itself known. I gave upon the idea of sleep quickly then, curling up into a small ball, wrappingmy arms around my legs.

  "Alice?" I asked.

  "Yes?"I kept my voice very calm. "What do you think they're doing?""Carlisle wanted to lead the tracker as far north as possible, wait forhim to get close, and then turn and ambush him. Esme and Rosalie weresupposed to head west as long as they could keep the female behind them.

  If she turned around, they were to head back to Forks and keep an eye onyour dad. So I imagine things are going well if they can't call. It meansthe tracker is close enough that they don't want him to overhear.""And Esme?""I think she must be back in Forks. She won't call if there's any chancethe female will overhear. I expect they're all just being very careful.""Do you think they're safe, really?""Bella, how many times do we have to tell you that there's no danger tous?""Would you tell me the truth, though?""Yes. I will always tell you the truth." Her voice was earnest.

  I deliberated for a moment, and decided she meant it.

  "Tell me then… how do you become a vampire?"My question caught her off guard. She was quiet. I rolled over to look ather, and her expression seemed ambivalent.

  "Edward doesn't want me to tell you that," she said firmly, but I sensedshe didn't agree.

  "That's not fair. I think I have a right to know.""I know."I looked at her, waiting.

  She sighed. "He'll be extremely angry.""It's none of his business. This is between you and me. Alice, as afriend, I'm begging you." And we were friends now, somehow — as she musthave known we would be all along.

  She looked at me with her splendid, wise eyes… choosing.

  "I'll tell you the mechanics of it," she said finally, "but I don'tremember it myself, and I've never done it or seen it done, so keep inmind that I can only tell you the theory."I waited.

  "As predators, we have a glut of weapons in our physical arsenal — much,much more than really necessary. The strength, the speed, the acutesenses, not to mention those of us like Edward, Jasper, and I, who haveextra senses as well. And then, like a carnivorous flower, we arephysically attractive to our prey."I was very still, remembering how pointedly Edward had demonstrated thesame concept for me in the meadow.

   She smiled a wide, ominous smile. "We have another fairly superfluousweapon. We're also venomous," she said, her teeth glistening. "The venomdoesn't kill — it's merely incapacitating. It works slowly, spreadingthrough the bloodstream, so that, once bitten, our prey is in too muchphysical pain to escape us. Mostly superfluous, as I said. If we're thatclose, the prey doesn't escape. Of course, there are always exceptions.

  Carlisle, for example.""So… if the venom is left to spread…" I murmured.

  "It takes a few days for the transformation to be complete, depending onhow much venom is in the bloodstream, how close the venom enters to theheart. As long as the heart keeps beating, the poison spreads, healing,changing the body as it moves through it. Eventually the heart stops, andthe conversion is finished. But all that time, every minute of it, avictim would be wishing for death."I shivered.

  "It's not pleasant, you see.""Edward said that it was very hard to do… I don't quite understand," Isaid.

  "We're also like sharks in a way. Once we taste the blood, or even smellit for that matter, it becomes very hard to keep from feeding. Sometimesimpossible. So you see, to actually bite someone, to taste the blood, itwould begin the frenzy. It's difficult on both sides — the blood-lust onthe one hand, the awful pain on the other.""Why do you think you don't remember?""I don't know. For everyone else, the pain of transformation is thesharpest memory they have of their human life. I remember nothing ofbeing human." Her voice was wistful.

  We lay silently, wrapped in our individual meditations.

  The seconds ticked by, and I had almost forgotten her presence, I was soenveloped in my thoughts.

  Then, without any warning, Alice leaped from the bed, landing lightly onher feet. My head jerked up as I stared at her, startled.

  "Something's changed." Her voice was urgent, and she wasn't talking to meanymore.

  She reached the door at the same time Jasper did. He had obviously heardour conversation and her sudden exclamation. He put his hands on hershoulders and guided her back to the bed, sitting her on the edge.

  "What do you see?" he asked intently, staring into her eyes. Her eyeswere focused on something very far away. I sat close to her, leaning into catch her low, quick voice.

  "I see a room. It's long, and there are mirrors everywhere. The floor iswooden. He's in the room, and he's waiting. There's gold… a gold stripeacross the mirrors.""Where is the room?""I don't know. Something is missing — another decision hasn't been madeyet.""How much time?""It's soon. He'll be in the mirror room today, or maybe tomorrow. It alldepends. He's waiting for something. And he's in the dark now."Jasper's voice was calm, methodical, as he questioned her in a practicedway. "What is he doing?" "He's watching TV… no, he's running a VCR, in the dark, in another place.""Can you see where he is?""No, it's too dark.""And the mirror room, what else is there?""Just the mirrors, and the gold. It's a band, around the room. Andthere's a black table with a big stereo, and a TV. He's touching the VCRthere, but he doesn't watch the way he does in the dark room. This is theroom where he waits." Her eyes drifted, then focused on Jasper's face.

  "There's nothing else?"She shook her head. They looked at each other, motionless.

  "What does it mean?" I asked.

  Neither of them answered for a moment, then Jasper looked at me.

  "It means the tracker's plans have changed. He's made a decision thatwill lead him to the mirror room, and the dark room.""But we don't know where those rooms are?""No.""But we do know that he won't be in the mountains north of Washington,being hunted. He'll elude them." Alice's voice was bleak.

  "Should we call?" I asked. They traded a serious look, undecided.

  And the phone rang.

  Alice was across the room before I could lift my head to look at it.

  She pushed a button and held the phone to her ear, but she didn't speakfirst.

  "Carlisle," she breathed. She didn't seem surprised or relieved, the wayI felt.

  "Yes," she said, glancing at me. She listened for a long moment.

  "I just saw him." She described again the vision she'd seen. "Whatevermade him get on that plane… it was leading him to those rooms." Shepaused. "Yes," Alice said into the phone, and then she spoke to me.

  "Bella?"She held the phone out toward me. I ran to it.

  "Hello?" I breathed.

  "Bella," Edward said.

  "Oh, Edward! I was so worried.""Bella," he sighed in frustration, "I told you not to worry aboutanything but yourself." It was so unbelievably good to hear his voice. Ifelt the hovering cloud of despair lighten and drift back as he spoke.

  "Where are you?""We're outside of Vancouver. Bella, I'm sorry — we lost him. He seemssuspicious of us — he's careful to stay just far enough away that I can'thear what he's thinking. But he's gone now — it looks like he got on aplane. We think he's heading back to Forks to start over." I could hearAlice filling in Jasper behind me, her quick words blurring together intoa humming noise.

  "I know. Alice saw that he got away." "You don't have to worry, though. He won't find anything to lead him toyou. You just have to stay there and wait till we find him again.""I'll be fine. Is Esme with Charlie?""Yes — the female has been in town. She went to the house, but whileCharlie was at work. She hasn't gone near him, so don't be afraid. He'ssafe with Esme and Rosalie watching.""What is she doing?""Probably trying to pick up the trail. She's been all through the townduring the night. Rosalie traced her through the airport, all the roadsaround town, the school… she's digging, Bella, but there's nothing tofind.""And you're sure Charlie's safe?""Yes, Esme won't let him out of her sight. And we'll be there soon. Ifthe tracker gets anywhere near Forks, we'll have him.""I miss you," I whispered.

  "I know, Bella. Believe me, I know. It's like you've taken half my selfaway with you.""Come and get it, then," I challenged.

  "Soon, as soon as I possibly can. I will make you safe first." His voicewas hard.

  "I love you," I reminded him.

  "Could you believe that, despite everything I've put you through, I loveyou, too?""Yes, I can, actually.""I'll come for you soon.""I'll be waiting."As soon as the phone went dead, the cloud of depression began to creepover me again.

  I turned to give the phone back to Alice and found her and Jasper bentover the table, where Alice was sketching on a piece of hotel stationery.

  I leaned on the back of the couch, looking over her shoulder.

  She drew a room: long, rectangular, with a thinner, square section at theback. The wooden planks that made up the floor stretched lengthwiseacross the room. Down the walls were lines denoting the breaks in themirrors. And then, wrapping around the walls, waist high, a long band.

  The band Alice said was gold.

  "It's a ballet studio," I said, suddenly recognizing the familiar shapes.

  They looked at me, surprised.

  "Do you know this room?" Jasper's voice sounded calm, but there was anundercurrent of something I couldn't identify. Alice bent her head to herwork, her hand flying across the page now, the shape of an emergency exittaking shape against the back wall, the stereo and TV on a low table bythe front right corner.

  "It looks like a place I used to go for dance lessons — when I was eightor nine. It was shaped just the same." I touched the page where thesquare section jutted out, narrowing the back part of the room. "That'swhere the bathrooms were — the doors were through the other dance floor.

  But the stereo was here" — I pointed to the left corner — "it was older,and there wasn't a TV. There was a window in the waiting room — you would see the room from this perspective if you looked through it."Alice and Jasper were staring at me.

  "Are you sure it's the same room?" Jasper asked, still calm.

  "No, not at all — I suppose most dance studios would look the same — themirrors, the bar." I traced my finger along the ballet bar set againstthe mirrors. "It's just the shape that looked familiar." I touched thedoor, set in exactly the same place as the one I remembered.

  "Would you have any reason to go there now?" Alice asked, breaking myreverie.

  "No, I haven't been there in almost ten years. I was a terrible dancer —they always put me in the back for recitals," I admitted.

  "So there's no way it could be connected with you?" Alice asked intently.

  "No, I don't even think the same person owns it. I'm sure it's justanother dance studio, somewhere.""Where was the studio you went to?" Jasper asked in a casual voice.

  "It was just around the corner from my mom's house. I used to walk thereafter school…" I said, my voice trailing off. I didn't miss the look theyexchanged.

  "Here in Phoenix, then?" His voice was still casual.

  "Yes," I whispered. "Fifty-eighth Street and Cactus."We all sat in silence, staring at the drawing.

  "Alice, is that phone safe?""Yes," she reassured me. "The number would just trace back to Washington.""Then I can use it to call my mom.""I thought she was in Florida.""She is — but she's coming home soon, and she can't come back to thathouse while…" My voice trembled. I was thinking about something Edwardhad said, about the red-haired female at Charlie's house, at the school,where my records would be.

  "How will you reach her?""They don't have a permanent number except at the house — she's supposedto check her messages regularly.""Jasper?" Alice asked.

  He thought about it. "I don't think there's any way it could hurt — besure you don't say where you are, of course."I reached eagerly for the phone and dialed the familiar number. It rangfour times, and then I heard my mom's breezy voice telling me to leave amessage.

  "Mom," I said after the beep, "it's me. Listen, I need you to dosomething. It's important. As soon as you get this message, call me atthis number." Alice was already at my side, writing the number for me onthe bottom of her picture. I read it carefully, twice. "Please don't goanywhere until you talk to me. Don't worry, I'm okay, but I have to talkto you right away, no matter how late you get this call, all right? Ilove you, Mom. Bye." I closed my eyes and prayed with all my might thatno unforeseen change of plans would bring her home before she got mymessage.

  I settled into the sofa, nibbling on a plate of leftover fruit, anticipating a long evening. I thought about calling Charlie, but Iwasn't sure if I should be home by now or not. I concentrated on thenews, watching out for stories about Florida, or about spring training —strikes or hurricanes or terrorist attacks — anything that might sendthem home early.

  Immortality must grant endless patience. Neither Jasper nor Alice seemedto feel the need to do anything at all. For a while, Alice sketched thevague outline of the dark room from her vision, as much as she could seein the light from the TV. But when she was done, she simply sat, lookingat the blank walls with her timeless eyes. Jasper, too, seemed to have nourge to pace, or peek through the curtains, or run screaming out thedoor, the way I did.

  I must have fallen asleep on the couch, waiting for the phone to ringagain. The touch of Alice's cold hands woke me briefly as she carried meto the bed, but I was unconscious again before my head hit the pillow.